There are however hundreds of guests. The cards are still
being written which is nerve wracking in itself and there's an atmosphere descended
as people now bandy about the word "shaadi house" which essentially
means wedding house in Urdu. I think there's a reason why that expression doesn't
exist in English because just means people rock up at all hours.
I've not been tasked with many chores for the wedding apart from
helping with the wedding cake. Google has provided many insights into the world
of the incredibly lucrative Asian market and it's fair to say that the cake
we've chosen is wearing a marzipan sari.
"The fruitcake part has rum flavouring"
"Can we have it without?"
"But it's just flavouring"
"No rum flavouring please. We're Islamic"
...is an actual conversation I had to have.
Alongside that I've had several conversations regarding the
length of the wedding to clear up any confusion. Here's a beginner's guide
mehndi.
The Mehndi celebrations take place a couple of days before
the wedding. They usually involve the bride or groom (separately) on a stage. Still
can't get used to that. A stage.
Then hundreds of family members proceed to blob some henna
on your hand and oil in your hair, if you the significance of this. Please get
in touch. You then get a photo like this:
Yep that's what I looked like in 2008. But no matter what
year it is you can bet your bottom rupee you'll hear this song at a Mehndi:
Classic. "Ja jeela apni zindagi Simran"
shaadi.
shaadi.
After the Mehndi comes the day of the shaadi. It's hosted by
the bride's family and usually takes place in the day time. This is when shit
gets real. You wake up at very early time. Possibly on the floor because you've
given up your bedroom for your Uncle Afzal. You then have to fight for the bathroom and
everyone wants to know if you've got a pair of scissors. Why's it always
scissors?
Guests descend on the house until the Baraaat arrives. The
baraat is the groom's family who arrive in a procession. They come to get the
bride. Now tradition dictates that you shouldn't let her go too easily. So you
make them pay for their entry. No kidding. The bride's female cousins have
cornered that racket. There's also a tradition when you steal the groom's
shoes. This resulted in an incredibly popular Bollywood song where Madhuri
Dixit managed do just that with the help of a little white dog. Go on press
play you know you want to.
Then about 600 people eat. More seekh kebabs please. It's
all about the starters
The day ends with the rukhsathi. An emotional part where the
bride's family bids farewell to their daughter and sister. It's "totes
emosh". I could probably put another Bollywood song here:
I won't though. Let's press on.
walima
The third and final day is the Walima. The groom's family now
throw a part in a bid to celebrate the arrival of the bride into their family. It's
meant to be joyous but to be honest I'm comparing that day's seekh kebabs to the
kebabs of the shaadi the day before. And so is everyone else.
All said and done you're now knackered and so am I and it
not even kicked off yet. I'll fill you in after the event happens. Wish me
luck.
theguyinthebowtie
